But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.«1» Sorry, but, as a virgin, you just seem to know too much!anonymous readerReport 2012-11-11 08:56:41You switch between third person and first person seemingly at random. Xxx vedio On the other hand, you’ve mentioned that this is a true story… Sorry, but, as a virgin, you just seem to know too much!anonymous readerReport 2012-11-11 08:56:41You switch between third person and first person seemingly at random. On the other hand, you’ve mentioned that this is a true story… 2 comments«1»Ovid58Report 2012-11-12 06:07:23I didn’t vote, since I don’t want to spoil your ranking – anyway, please be more careful – just as the anonymous reader has already said, you switch between third person and first person in a way that really makes things hard to follow… But it would be easier to read with a blank line after each paragraph. Who is she? Overall, not bad for a first submission. But it would be easier to read with a blank line after each paragraph. Who is she? A member of your family?!? While I admit it’s possible, it’s not very probably. He shares a bed with her when he’s not relegated to the couch- but is a virgin? It’s not quite wall of text, you did break it up after the first long paragraph.
