Needs more detail. xxx sex Many misspelled words (i.e.you used “of” instead of “off” twice, “…sitting in my bead(sic)”, “gourgeous” instead of “gorgeous”, “waste(sic) band” instead of “waist band”, etc. “walking up the the living room.” , “…gave my(sic) a boobjob”, “…what were were doing…”
This is pretty pitiful writing even if you are only 14.anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 00:30:15Started out great and then you tried like hell to end it in half a paragraphanonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 00:29:54Started out great and then you tried like hell to end it in half a paragraphanonymous readerReport 2013-11-29 23:01:05Good, but way too short. 4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 21:46:21Very poorly written. 4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 21:46:21Very poorly written. 4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 21:46:21Very poorly written. (i.e. The idea of this story is good, but the execution of it falls way too short of hitting the mark of being a great story.«1» 4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 21:46:21Very poorly written. Needs more detail. Needs more detail. Needs more detail. The idea of this story is good, but the execution of it falls way too short of hitting the mark of being a great story.«1» I mean, you have them alone for a 3 day weekend and the sex is a quick BJ and a quick fuck that lasts only a couple of sentences total. 4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-11-30 21:46:21Very poorly written.
