That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. 1/10«12» Almost like rambling… xxx sex That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. Work on that, and fix it, then repost it after you do a bit of planningREADERReport 2007-03-12 04:45:26make it longer and it would of been ok. 7 comments«12»READERReport 2007-03-13 19:03:32that was grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr8tREADERReport 2007-03-13 04:36:14while the other comments have some truth in them eg short, rambling, no foreplay etc. 7 comments«12»READERReport 2007-03-13 19:03:32that was grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr8tREADERReport 2007-03-13 04:36:14while the other comments have some truth in them eg short, rambling, no foreplay etc. Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… Almost like rambling… Almost like rambling… Almost like rambling… It did have an instant sence of urgency and raw sexual passion about it which some of the longer stories often lack.READERReport 2007-03-12 22:27:42After while John started yelling im going to cum i stop sucking him and he came all over my face i loved it. It did have an instant sence of urgency and raw sexual passion about it which some of the longer stories often lack.READERReport 2007-03-12 22:27:42After
