Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. xxx sex Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. You need more segues between events.«1» no more incest… it is ruining the story line… You need more segues between events.«1» no more incest… 5 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2009-03-14 20:58:48Nice twist with the sister being a he/she or he a guy raised as a girl. But yeah, don’t switch so much between scenes. 5 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2009-03-14 20:58:48Nice twist with the sister being a he/she or he a guy raised as a girl. no more incest… 5 comments«1»Anonymous readerReport 2009-03-14 20:58:48Nice twist with the sister being a he/she or he a guy raised as a girl. no more incest… you have less and less gay sex…Anonymous readerReport 2008-06-23 16:33:42okay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . … But yeah, don’t switch so much between scenes. the first chapter was good.. You need more segues between events.«1» you have less and less gay sex…Anonymous readerReport 2008-06-23 16:33:42okay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . … Make the switches new chapters or something.Anonymous readerReport 2008-08-05 03:09:55no no no no… Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. this is just confusing.gayboyReport 2008-06-05 00:45:44its to confusing.i dont know who is whoREADERReport 2007-12-24 12:28:23I loved the first chapter. Make the switches new chapters or something.Anonymous readerReport 2008-08-05 03:09:55no no no no…
